Mind what you say

Has anyone ever said to you,
"If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything"
?

Or maybe a version of
"If you wouldn't say it to their face, you shouldn't say anything"
?

Perhaps you've heard
"Beware what you say, the walls have ears." with it's companion
"Never eavesdrop, you rarely hear anything you want to hear."

I like to stay away from using negatives.
Mostly because people tend to remember best what comes after the cautionary term.
In the first two cases, that would be a resounding,
"say anything."

This combined with,
"Honesty is the best policy."
often results in people who say things that start with,
"You probably don't want to hear this from me, but...".

"You probably don't want to hear this from me, but"
"You really should discipline your child."
"Your husband/partner is an ass."
"You should really fasten your child in the cart."
"You should get your child under control."

The last ones are my favorite because my kids were drama kings and queens.
My oldest would lay on the ground
kicking his feet and banging his head on the cold hard floors
at the supermarket,
Target,
the mall,
Home Depot,
church.
Well let's just go with anywhere and everywhere.
I shan't go into the other two
too,
other than noting that my daughter
is as accomplished as her mother
in her ability to
hit the high notes,
and quite loudly too.

As a parent, I asked my kids to
"be positive and supportive in all you do and say."
This allows for criticism from the heart,
but delivered in a kind-hearted way,
and worded in positive terms.

"You look fantastic in that (orange) dress,
I wonder if it comes in blue - it would really set off your eyes."

"You did a great job with that poem,
I wonder what it would sound like if you made the lines rhyme."

"How did I like the (unusually seasoned) casserole?
It was indescribable. Unlike any dish I've ever had,"
Make sure you are nodding and smiling as you deliver this statement.

Then there is my favorite when seeing someone from you past
that you barely recognize and
looks so different it's hard to even recognize them
and you probably were hoping to never see again
but your happy because they look worse than you (bad you).
"Oh my goodness! It's you. I can't believe you're here."
Or another favorite,
"<name>, is that you? Look at you!"

Goodness,
(remember I have children that might read this
so I am trying to keep things clean)
I sound like a fairy-tale princess or fairy godmother.
Kind as candy.
Always positive and supportive.


Unfortunately this is the kind of person I am,
naturally.
After years of this philosophy
it becomes a neural pattern,
so much so, that you start to fail to see the predators.

That's what's put me in the position I am in now,
Under watch and key of my parents,
in their basement,
becoming me all over again.
Well hopefully a better and more assertive me than before.

In case you're curious,
My children and ex didn't take to my mindset
In the end mocking me for my outlook,
finding ways to "trigger" me to anger or outrage,
enjoying my outbursts at the hurtful things they said and did
with their fathers egging on
with a "good one," then
hating and despising me for
getting off that crazy train.

I jumped off that crazy train by investing in a business
that required my immediate attention for one year.
Only a year.
But that was too long so they left.
At first it was just for one or two weeks,
then over Thanksgiving,
then January, February,
and in April they left for good to be nomads.
I haven't seen them since.